The Importance of Looking Back

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.” ~ Author Unknown

Man oh Man, did I mess up recently. So the driveway just outside my apartment has a ditch on either side, which is covered with a tremendous amount of foliage, something I am still not used to. There is enough room in the parking area, to turn around before driving down the narrow driveway, but it can be time consuming (extra 15 seconds), and I can back the vehicle down the narrow driveway, done it a number of times. Well it’s usually not a big deal, if I’m paying attention and I look behind me. Now I can make all the excuses in the world, I was tired, it was too dark, the trees overgrew the lights, a coyote wearing a tuxedo jumped out and scared me, whatever; truth is, I didn’t look behind me and next thing I knew, I was in the ditch. There is a 6-8’ drop into a small creek, and my truck is not a big 4X4, so this was not good. All because I didn’t look at what was behind me, I wasn’t able to go forward. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true, and it got me thinking. 

“Forget the things that happened in the past. Do not keep on thinking about them.” ~ Isaiah 43:18 (NIrV)

Very true. If we continue to focus on what has happened in our lives, we aren’t able to focus on where we’re going or what we’re doing, therefore hurting our future and our present. Ok, so now it sounds like my story is contradictory to my point, just sit tight, it’s coming. See, I, much like everybody else I’ve ever met, has a past. Even the most Christian of Christians, has a past. We have trouble moving forward in our lives, because we are spending too much time looking at that past, holding on to those hurts, those mistakes, that pain that we caused, or others caused us. Why then is it important to look at our past? Shouldn’t we just forget about it and move on? Yes…and No.

Ok, I’m confusing some of you, or you think I’m crazy. The answer to that yes and no as well, but that’s a blog for a different day. My Jr. High and High School experiences were not the best. I didn’t have a ton of friends, didn’t enjoy it for the most part, and flat-out hated it. I was picked on, made fun of, beaten up, mocked, ridiculed, you name it. But you know what? I wouldn’t change a bit of it. I didn’t think that way then, but only because I didn’t see a reason why I was going through what I was going through. Not then.

 “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ~ Romans 8:28

Many of us have heard this scripture before, read it, & even heard the paraphrase, “Everything happens for a reason.” Those reasons aren’t always known, and sometimes they aren’t meant to be known, but there is reasoning. Why was I forced to endure such a difficult time in my youth, my most trying years made worse? I believe they shaped my character. It took many years afterward to mold that character, but it was made possible by those kids that tortured me then. I believe it has given me a more compassionate heart to minister to those who’ve been wronged, treated unfairly, or are going through rough times. It has helped me to understand the depths at which kids have to rise out of, in order to overcome. I believe it has helped me to be able to reach out to children, youth, young adults, who may feel like no one knows what they’re going through. I know this because I have seen it happen, I have been able to reach out to those who have to struggle with what I endured, and help them find hope. I remember what I have gone through, and lean on it to guide those that I can, through it. I am not perfect, I still struggle with making friends, finding my place, feeling a part of something, but I have hope. I have been on the outside and Christ brought me in. I have seen where I was, and have not forgotten. Looking back is essential to moving forward. We have a precious gift of memories, both good and bad. We do not live our lives by focusing on what happened or what was, we live our lives knowing what was, and making what will be, better.

In the movie Cars, the character Mater is driving backwards, and says to Lightening McQueen, “Ain’t no need to watch where I’m going, just need to know where I’ve been.” Don’t forget where we were, because God can use those experiences, trials and triumphs, to make you a strong man or woman. Our past makes us who we are, so look to it, just don’t hold onto it. As for where we’re going, as long as we’re on the right road, and remember where we’ve been, God will take to somewhere we could never have imagined. So look behind you and be thankful for your past, God will show you how amazing He was during it, and how amazing He can use it.

†P.S. As for my truck, it was a nuisance, but not something I couldn’t get through. A good friend helped pull me out the next morning, and we all had some good laughs. I now make sure to look back every time I back out, or even take the extra time to turn around before leaving the driveway. Another experience I know God gave me to be able to use for His glory.

Season of Change

“All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.”
-Ellen Glasgow

A lot has changed in my life in the past few years, but no more so than in the past few months. I began thinking about how the seasons change, transitioning into a new part of life. Spring ushers in new life, plants are revived, the weather is tolerable, & the fresh bloom fills the air with a wondrous aroma. Summer is the breakthrough of freedom. As a child it means that break from school, as a parent it’s quite the opposite of freedom. The warmth is a reminder of life and dreams, passions and desires, and for those back home in Arizona, more of a reminder as to why you stay indoors. Fall is when we start to slow down. The trees change colors(Again, not in Arizona), a new beginning has come with the start of school. The air begins to crisp and a time of reflection is upon us, as we await winter’s arrival. Winter, known usually as the season of death. With the frigid cold, comes plant life that withers, holidays take over our “free time,” and the end of the year has arrived. Then it’s back to spring. New life.

God has made these seasons of change as a way for us to understand change in our lives. As we begin the fall season, I understand that change even more. As I said, there has been a lot of change in my life in the past few years, most of which has occurred in fall. Years ago I began work at a job I’d come to love & loathe, in the fall. Begun and ended great relationships in the fall. Lost loved ones, and celebrated new births, in the fall. Discovered a savior that never lets go, and surrendered my life to Him, in the fall. The Fall has become an integral part of my growth, even though it seems that it doesn’t follow the pattern of seasonal change at all. Spring is the season of new beginnings, summer is the season of growth, fall the season of understanding, & winter the season of acceptance…wait a second…what did I just say there? The season of understanding…that’s it.

As the summer started winding down this year, I began a new journey in my life. Since I was a child, I had focused my entire life on performing and all that industry entails, I was going to be famous. A Hollywood actor, director, writer, a star. I did everything I could do, to pursue that. I knew it was a gift from God and His guidance would lead me. I spent over 30 years pursuing this passion, even to the point of losing many closest to me in the process, including the One who’d given me the desire and gifts. After a divorce and falling away from God, I knew there  was a need for change, a new season in my life. I returned to church, rededicated my life to God, more so then ever before. I was now studying, praying, seeking, searching, loving, caring…living. Since I was 16 I’d worked in Children’s Ministry and one night as I was going through old emails, many as far back as 2005, I realized that every year around summertime, I had been serious about applying for a position in Children’s Ministry. It was like a light went off and I heard the Lord say, “Remember this passion?” I had always loved working with and ministering to children. It was a place where I could incorporate the gifts the Lord had given me, and reach others in the process. So after a year of applying all over the country, and continuous dead ends, the Lord blessed me with a new path, a position in children’s ministry…in New York.

So now I have begun a new career, moved 3000 miles from where I grew up. I know no one, don’t know the area, and am embarking on something completely new and different. Change.

So the season of my life that was Spring, was that of me entering the world, being amazed by everything, not a worry, full of love, passion, & desire. Then the summer of my life was where I grew. I learned what I was to do, how and why. I accepted life, through good and bad, and kept going. Now I feel I am in the Fall. Now that is not to say that the Winter will bring death, good grief if that’s true, then Fall better last for about 50-60 years. What I mean by Fall being the season of understanding, is because I am able to get a glimpse now of what God had been doing in my life, leading to this time. We can never truly understand what God wants for us, that is why we follow by faith. In this season of my life, I am understanding why I have gone through many of the things I have gone through, and see how His hand was at work, protecting me through those times. He is ever faithful.

“We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love Him. They are the people God called, because that was His plan.”  Romans 8:28 (International Children’s Bible)

Whatever season of your life that you are in, and no matter the drastic changes you are going through, know that God is not unaware of your struggles, nor is He unwilling to help you. He waits for us, for others, for situations to unfold. God has a plan, no matter how difficult our trials, he is watching over us. Embrace and accept change, for it is part of God’s plan that we not stay the same.

Remember, if it weren’t for change, there’d be no butterflies.